Searching For The Center


Welcome to my new blog.  The purpose of this blog to me is to keep myself accountable writing about the changes I’m affecting in my life, and to share those changes, trials, and tribulations with others who may identify with them.  Along the way I’ll share what’s working, what’s not working, and other tidbits I find, as well as stuff that generally interests me.  I hope you enjoy.

Why “Awakened @ Heart”?

Let’s see, where to start.  3 years ago I was diagnosed with stage 2B Hodgkins Lymphoma.  I went through 6 months of chemotherapy and 1 full month of daily radiation treatment.  I survived and I am doing well.  Before I was diagnosed, my life was pretty much a mess.  I was not feeling at all well for at least a few years and pretty much everything had declined to the point where I was living in a disaster zone and I was miserable.  When I was going through treatment, my thoughts were on getting better.  After treatment was over, it was about getting back on my feet and getting back to “normal”.  However, I think like most people that go through a devastating illness and treatment, it made me take a very different view on life.  What can I say, I’m pretty slow to act on most things so here 2 years after treatment is over and done and I’m back physically to a good place, my life is still a complete mess, I’m amazingly unhappy most of the time and I’m about to shout from the rooftops that I can’t take it anymore.  Something needs to change.  And rather than waiting for it to change itself, I’m going to have to change it myself.  I’m learning of the Dharma of Buddha, and for those who don’t know, Buddha basically means “awakened”.  He (Buddha) was simply the one who woke up and understood what it’s all about, and how to find the peace of nirvana in every day.  And he chose to teach that to others.  I think that awakening is a good goal, and one I am definitely going to pursue.

So I’m going to work on changing my life.  Transforming my mess into peace.  Trying to find a centered self in the middle of all the bits and pieces of my life.  Minimizing.  Simplifying.  Letting go of what’s not needed anymore, both in a physical and spiritual sense.  Living a life that really does reflect my “core values”.  (Boy, core values sounds like some sort of cliché, or even worse the crap terminology they make up in the corporate world.)

Step 1 to this whole awakening process was to realize that something has to change and that I’m the only one who can change it.  Done.  Step 2, figure out what my “core values” are, what makes me tick, and what’s important to hold onto while I clear out the clutter of my life.  The things at the center, that will still be there when I strip away all else.  Things I can even hopefully enhance and spend much more time on.

So here’s to the start of a journey, down the path to enlightenment, searching for the center.

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